1. Most people are wearing suits that can’t get wet.
And I reiterate, most people are wearing suits that can’t get wet.
***
2. Swimming may never happen over the course of the party.
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3. There is plenty of food, but nobody eats.
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4. The hot tub is packed.
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5. Bartenders are on hand for drinks and mingling.
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6. There is a good chance Absolut is sponsoring the bar.
***
7 You have 10% Body Mass, but you still feel fat and want to get down to 4%.
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8. The DJ in your friend's backyard just headlined in Ibiza.
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9. The host may or may not be there.
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10. Good luck getting into the bathroom.
***
11. The pool always has a water feature.
***
12. The boys dancing on boxes may be paid go-go boys
or may just be guests.
***
13. Some guests will arrive wearing very small swimsuits, and later, they strip down to something that's even skimpier.
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14. There's always a guy pretending not to be hitting on your husband.
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15. There will not be any children, but there will be blow-up pool toys.
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16. At least one couple will fuck in the pool.
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17. Your Ex will be there. You still miss his tongue.
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18. The lower the sun, the more clothing-optional the party becomes.
***
19. Despite the invitation's promise, no one will say the party was “relaxing.”
***
20. Before you leave, make sure you're invited
to the next splish-splash party.
This is how it starts.
Clothing Optional.
 |
Gorgeous bottoms!
Jacking off.
Blowjobs.
Fucking...
Tiny Dicks!
Limp Dicks!
Semi-hard Dicks.
Big Dicks!
Massive Dicks!
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